Gotta get out of these clothes

While the East coast gets yet another snowstorm, freezing temps and thunder-snow, here in the Southwest, it’s been 70+ outside and I actually turned on the a/c this afternoon to cool it off inside.

Let me just start by saying this: There is a BIG difference between someone with a mental illness, and someone who is just plain BAT-SHIT-CRAZY!

I found this out today.

I had to go downtown to get drinking water from the machine which dispenses 15 filtered water, because:

a.) I don’t drink the water here because I have a sensitive stomach, remember Montezuma? Well, I’m 1/2 mile from Mexico. Nuff said.

b.) Because even if I were to HAVE to drink the water here, it tastes like the bottom of the only “lake” here, and it’s not pretty.

c.)It’s what I like, mountain spring water, fresh from a mountain spring. Sounds a lot better than recycled disgusting desert imported water from New Mexico, or where ever it comes from.This is NOT  mountain spring water, but tastes more like it than the crap out of the tap.

So in order to complete this process, I must first get my little cart prepared, put the 4 water bottles in it and get my ass out the door.

Cell, check. Cigs, check. Keys, check. Purse, check. Sunglasses, check.

Roll myself and my cart out the door, lock up and head to the bus stop, about 1/2 mile away. Pray to God the stupid chihuahua down the road doesn’t go ape shit and bark like a madman all the way to bus stop. Hmmm. Seems to be asleep today…or maybe dead. Dead would be better. Finally at the stop, I must have just missed the #4, which is the free bus which goes around the city and drops me at the grocery store downtown about 20 yards from the Mexican Border crossing. Ugh. That would be the “normal” day of going downtown. But not today. Not this day when I already am on edge and pissed off at the world, at my ex who knows today would have been our 3rd anniversary, not today when I have a huge migraine, which is now 3 days old, no not today. Today, of course, was hell. The whole reason I am petitioning to have EL Paso, TX change it’s name to HELL PASO, TX. Because of days just like this.

So I arrive at the bus stop, no one is there. The bus comes every 15-20 minutes (supposedly) and I wait for at least that long. Several older people come along, plop down on the disgusting bench which I have seen bloody rags from the donation center clients hanging off like long strings of bacterial raging shoelaces, and no one speaks to anyone else. Thank goodness, because they generally want to yap on and on in Spanish and I have to make the huge decision whether or not to attempt to understand them, nod, or ignore them. The entire time I am just itching to sit and I refuse to sit in that damn bench. If I had a black light I think I could put CSI to shame with what I’d find.

Tony: Damn bus. What’s taking so long?

Bruce: It’s not bad enough Cat has this headache, and is in a crappy mood, now you too?

Tony: She didn’t bring the mp3. We will have to keep her entertained again. It’s not that easy for me you know, I don’t do soft-and-squishy-feely.

Bruce: You might try a little harder. She’s having a hard day. It’s her anniversary.

Tony: I know…’s just, I try and try, but she still looks miserable. What else can I say to her?

Bruce: I don’t know…..I’m just trying to be comforting and nurturing. It’s your job to be inspirational and tough.

Clint: Hey, what about me? I inspire her don’t I? I’m here to love on her and make her feel special.

Cap: Bus. Finally. Besides, I am the only real gentleman here. I should be the one to make her feel better.

Tony: Oh please. She barely even talks to you. For her it’s like talking to her grandfather. You still can’t program your cell phone.

Clint: Ok. Where are we sitting. The back? Seriously? Look, there’s a guy with a huge duffel bag and a backpack. Homeless?

Bruce: Most likely. Or he’s doing his laundry?

Me: Shhh. The bus driver’s yelling at him. Told him to move. He left his damn bag in the front when he came back here by us. Oh frig, he just threw his “bag” on the seat in front of me, and for God sake, his pants are nearly around his knees! I don’t want to see that ass……..

Clint: I don’t think it’s a bag after all, looks like a sleeping bag. Why did he put it on the seat in front of us? Why does he think he needs 4 seats for him and all his shit?

Me: Apparently. Now, you watch this. I bet every single person that comes to sit there will just stand up because they will be afraid to say anything.

Bruce: Um, he’s talking to himself too.

Cap: That woman just looked at you Cat. I think she believes it’s your bag.

Me: Figures, I get the evil eye and it’s not even mine. I should say something to him, but he’s kinda freaking me out.

Clint: Damn, six more people got on. No one is even attempting to move the bag. What the hell? They all look at it and just keep standing! Unbelievable!

Me: I’m telling you, no one will move it. No one would dare say a word. People here know better than to talk to the bat-shit-crazy ones.  I swear that woman better not open her mouth. It is NOT MINE.

Cap: Okay, looks like we’re in the clear. Next stop is ours. Then we’ll be home free.

Me: Oh God, please get me off this bus. Ok, here we go. First stop the water machine.

Cap: Why do we have to get water from a machine anyway? Isn’t there water in the pipes?

Bruce: Because we don’t like the taste. I does taste pretty gross.

Tony: You’re spilling it……aw geez. All over the place.

Me: Hush. It’s fine, it always does that. Now, let me make sure none of them are leaking. Every time I get home one of them has sprung a leak all over my stuff.

Cap: Nope, think we’re good here.

Me: Good. Next up, the bakery. I’m gonna buy something with jelly or fruit in it. My treat to myself for the shitty day I’m having.

Bruce: Good girl.


Me: Well, they aren’t exactly what I wanted, but they look pretty good.

Natasha: They look like they’re burned.

Me: Nah, they just don’t know how to bake pastries here. Nothing tastes right. I think they use lard instead of butter.

Bruce: Oh that sounds healthy.

Me: the point is, HE  would have loved them, and HE isn’t getting any.

Tony: Good for you. Screw him, you’ve got pastry. Alcohol would be good too….just saying.

Me: Let’s get chocolate now. Off to the little Dollar Tree. I imagine if it’s this hot outside, inside will be hell. They don’t know how to turn on the a/c in that place.

Clint: Not one damn piece of chocolate. Weird. I mean, since Valentine’s Day is Saturday and all.

Bruce: Shhhhh! Don’t mention V-Day!

Me: I imagine they can’t keep chocolate here because it would liquify in seconds. Good god I am so hot.

Thor: So what is the plan then?

Me: Well, they have a little mini terrarium for growing herbs. I want it.

Clint: Um, you forgot to get coffee today.

Me: Damn. Guess I will have to go back out tomorrow. We have enough for now. Ok, let’s get the hell out of this sweat store.


Me: Okay. One more bus, and we’re home free. Still no leaks. Good.

Clint: Bat shit crazy alert……9 o’clock.

Me: Oh damn. Another one?

Bruce: Hey, I thought we were all “mental health advocate” and stuff now……

Me: Yeah, but Bruce, there’s a difference between mentally ill and just bat-shit-crazy. Hel Paso is full of them. They walk down the street talking to themselves, stand on the corners screaming at the top of their lungs, and go through the garbage. It’s sad that they can’t get any help, but many times they don’t want any. The mental health system here sucks.

Clint: Not to mention some riding the bus and taking up 4 seats, wearing their pants around their ankles and talking to themselves.

Me: True.  What the hell?

Tony: What? What happened?

Me:  Damn! One of these damn bottles is leaking. Son of a —-

Cap: Well, what are you going to do now? The bus will be here any minute.

Me: I have an idea. I will make sure the cap is on tight, then turn it upside down. Look, it’s working. All we have to do is get 7 blocks or so and when I get home I will transfer it into another bottle.

Clint: You’re so damn smart. Looks like it’s working. And Bat-shit-crazy is still circling.

Me: I know. And laughing in a creepy way. Just ignore him. My ex would have started an argument with him. You can’t argue with an idiot. Or a homeless person. ha ha

Bruce:  That’s funny, you’re handling this anniversary thing remarkably well.

Me: Ah, I just figure it isn’t worth it. All it does is get me mad and I’m already nursing a headache.

Cap: Okay, the bus has arrived. Let’s hope we don’t spring a leak before we get there.

Clint: Bat-shit-crazy is getting on too.

Me: And I bet he gets off when we do. That’s just the kind of ending this trip needs. Here’s our stop.

Cap: Um, yes, he did in fact get off with us.

Bruce: And now he’s yelling at some imaginary person on the corner by the apartment.

Me: I need therapy. Bruce, are you free?

This is not really my area of expertise....


2 comments on “batshitcrazy

  1. I know the feeling. The people who walk around talking to themselves/imaginary friends…We have those all over Nashville, TN too.


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