Music soothes my soul….sort of.
I decided to try and download some music for my mp3 player, so I downloaded Imesh, which my ex used for getting music for his “disco” business in the past. But apparently they have changed it and now you can only view videos, not download music and have to pay for everything. While discovering the changes, I decided to sign up with a profile, allowing myself to find some friends to chat with while I listened to songs and maybe get some links to other sites/programs to download stuff I can actually add to my mp3 player without shelling out money I don’t have.
In posting a profile, I am always cautious, very much so. I decided to use a general pic of Hawkeye of course as my profile pic, and wrote general stuff about me and my love of the Avengers movie, Jeremy Renner, and basic stuff about my problems. I have since changed my profile at least 6 times, since it is not at all what I expected.
As soon as I posted my profile, I was bombarded by guys wanting to chat, not just chat, but hook up. (date). It didn’t seem to matter that I had put as my relationship status “Separated”, or that I was “going through a break up” , or even if I put down my reason for being on the site, “Looking for networking and friendships”. I guess to every horny guy out there, this means, “Hey, I am going to annoy the crap out of you until you talk to me, add me as a friend or else, and by the way, do you have a cam so we can have sex online?”
There are guys who post a pic of theirs or someone elses ‘ penis’ on their profile. That was not enough. One guy has various penises in various lengths and shapes all over his page. I only noticed because, well, I planned to report him of course and could not believe this was allowed. Yes I am a prude. I am very private and don’t think the first impression someone gets of you should be your dick. I do love sex of course, but this was just “in your face and this is what I want you to see” disgusting. I mean, where has the “mystery” gone? Do men think this is what we want non stop? I am guessing there are a lot of weirdos out there, but this was one site I didn’t expect it from.
One guy, I can’t recall his name, an older man who wears a turban and scares the hell out of me, lives in India and constantly wants to email me, and asked me to call him IN INDIA, and also email him. It is all very business like and not at all like a pick up line, but it sounds like those emails you get trying to get you to set up an account in a foreign country to help his King build a castle or some such thing. (The Nigerian Prince Scam, if you don’t know what it is, Google it. )Um, yeah, I’m not stupid. Another continually sent chat messages over and over and when I told him in no uncertain terms I was NOT INTERESTED, still continued to attempt to annoy me and hit the “nudge” button over and over so the little window would move, shake and spin, attempting to annoy even more and get my attention. I finally blocked him and reported him, but it continues still.
All I wanted to do was download some music that I can sing at the top of my lungs at 3 am in my bed, cry my eyes out or laugh, and help me deal with the shit that I just can’t face right now. So- I found another site, online, which I could download music and put it into my player and listen at night now, no crazy people to deal with. I created the pic above as well as 3 others (Thor, Loki, Iron-Man) so I can send them to the future assholes who continue to annoy me whenever and wherever I may be. Ah, if only I could just hit my little button on a headset and call for a hero to save me……
“(beep) Hawk, come in?”
“Hawkeye here. What’s up Cat?”
“Another dirtbag keeps annoying me on Imesh. I am sending coordinates to you now. Can you take him out for me?”
“Well, you know that’s not really how we work, but sure, I’m kinda bored anyway. I’ll contact you when it’s done. What’s his name?”
“Um, Amir, Amal, King Abdulla? I can’t recall. He’s wearing a turban in his profile pic. Does that help?”
“(Laughing) Oh yeah, you’re sending me to India. That helps a WHOLE lot.”
“Sorry. It’s a white turban and has a red band on it. He looks like he’s 60+ or so…..”
“Um, still not helping.”
“Shit. Sorry, I’ll look his name up again and get back to you. Out.”
“Roger. Maybe a last name too if you’re not too busy listening to Coldplay again.”
Tony: What’s she up to today?
Clint: Looking up lyrics to that song she likes.
Tony: Keane? Or Coldplay?
Natasha: The one called “Somewhere only we know. Coldplay.
Tony: Good song. Didn’t they do our theme song?
Natasha: Yup. “Live to rise.”
Tony: Thought so. Good, good, good. I’m glad she’s out of bed for awhile. Seems like all she’s done is cry and sleep.
Thor: Has she eaten today? She might need sustenance.
Bruce: Yeah, a piece of banana bread. And then some spaghetti. Then she went back to bed. Now she’s up again. Never ends……
Tony: This sucks. She was really coming along for awhile. I thought we had her back on the tough side. Now she’s backsliding.
Natasha: I know I would never cry my eyes out over a moron who treated me like that.
Bruce: Everyone deals with depression differently. She’s coping in her own way.
Tony: This is not coping. She’s hiding. When’s the last time she went out anywhere?
Bruce: About a week. Since then she’s just been in and out of bed, on the computer and cleaning up. Gotta admit though, she’s done a nice job redecorating this place.
Tony: It’s just not enough. She needs fresh air. She needs to speak to people who aren’t in her head. Or on the computer. And what’s up with that asshole on Imesh yesterday? He just wouldn’t take no for an answer.
Clint: She got him back, told him off in an email and created a new pic of me saying I’d kill anyone who bothers her. Don’t think it’s gonna work, but whatever she needs, I’m in.
Tony: Oh the turban guy? He was old enough to be her father. Ew. Sounds like that Nigerian Prince scam a few years back. People were supposed to help him move his millions into an account so he could move here, and then he siphoned money from people’s accounts. She has good instincts.
Clint: Yup. And he’s butt ugly too. She has found a few decent ones. I think anyway. At least she’s trying.
Tony: Trolls. All trolls. She’s reaching. She’s lonely and sad and not even talking to us lately. Aren’t I worth talking to anymore? I thought she liked talking to me?
Bruce: It’s not you Tony. She just needs time to heal. The crying and sleeping is just dealing. Let her deal with things and eventually she’ll come back to reality.
Thor: I agree with Tony. She even seems to be falling in with Loki’s army lately.
Tony: Army? You mean the fangirls who have numerous fictitious fan-sites all over Facebook and Pinterest? Puuleezzzzze. She’s not into Loki. She can’t be. We haven’t lost her completely have we?
Clint: <sigh> I hope not. She always loved me best. I’d hate to think Loki has put her under a spell.
Natasha: Why not? He got you didn’t he? Thank God I whacked you in the head and got you back.
Clint: Yeah, I haven’t forgotten, thanks. Still have a dent in that spot.
Tony: Maybe that’s what we need to do? Maybe if we all start beating on her brain, she’ll have to listen to us. Thor, smack her with the hammer.
Me: Hey! That hurts! I have a headache now. Thanks.<grrr>
Tony: We had to do something. Can’t reach you lately.All you do is sleep.
Me: Maybe so, but I have great dreams about you guys. (sorry Natasha)
Thor: You do???! How sweet.
Cap: Me too? You dream about me???
Me: Um, no. Sorry Cap.
Clint: She dreams of me. I’m so relieved.
Me: Yes. I do Clint. I dream that you guys go to my ex’s house and kick his ass. And then you tell him off and carry me away. And he’s just looking and crying in pain and wishing he’d been a good husband. And his mother stands there cursing at me in Spanish…..
Thor: And we fly off into the sunset…….
Me: Um, no. We all drive off in a fantastically expensive car, top down, and all give him the finger at the same time. Then we have a great time doing something fun.
Cap: Can I come?
Me: I guess so. You are cute. Just not as cute as Clint.
Natasha: I am going to throw up….
Me: Not in my head please. Already feel like crap since you all hit me.
Clint: I didn’t do it. I was the only one who didn’t do it.
Tony: Suck up.
Me: Ha Ha. Quit picking on Clint.
Tony: Look, we just want to be a part of things. You’ve been doing nothing but sleeping lately. You’re up and then not, and frankly it’s a bit unnerving to me trying to catch some zzz’s.
Me: I know. I’m in a funk. Depressed. Can’t sleep. Phone never rings. No one responds to my posts. No one talks in my group. I don’t know what else to do? I just can’t deal with people. You saw what happened online yesterday. All guys think about is sex. I am not a whore. I’m a human being with feelings and emotions. I am broken. My husband who I adored left me. I don’t want another husband. I don’t even want to date. It’s only been 2 months.
Bruce: We know. And maybe you’re looking in the wrong places for a friend. At least you’re trying. That’s a start. Just don’t put your heart on the line just yet. Take your time, let yourself heal first.
Me: True. Women like me are needy. We want someone to hold us and make us feel safe and taken care of. I’m not looking for hooking up with every douche-bag out there. Why can’t men just want a friendship? Why do they expect sex? I didn’t sign up at a dating service! And I clearly said ‘I AM NOT LOOKING FOR A DATE.’
Clint: Hon, you just have to find your way, same as everyone else. Blow the jerks away and give the nice ones a chance. Sooner or later, you’ll know what you want. Not yet, not now, but someday. Right now you just need to talk. Talk to us. Talk to anyone. Just talk. We’ll listen.
Me: You know, we teach kids, “no means no”……..but it doesn’t work on guys I guess. I just want to listen to music and be left alone. If they pop up and I say, “hey, I’m busy here, can you contact me later?” They take it as I am being a bitch. Did you see what the first jerk said to me?
Tony: You mean, ‘Can’t comprehend the English language boy?‘ I couldn’t even understand a word. He was either an idiot (first choice), or totally stoned (most likely), or just totally stupid. (nah, probably all the above).
Me: I kept asking if he was able to speak English. He couldn’t even answer that! Then he made some comment about a dog, and me being gay or something and it really set me off.
Bruce: A dog? Was he calling you a dog???
Me: No, said he knew a dog that might date me. Said he didn’t care that I was gay……..blah blah.
Clint: WHAT WAS HIS NAME??? I’M GONNA KILL HIM!!!!!
Tony: Whoa Hawkeye. Relax. Nobody is killing anyone. Yet. Why would he say she was gay?
Bruce: He was rambling. I wouldn’t have taken anything he said seriously. He’s a loser, looking for a damn hooker probably.
Natasha: She should have played him.
Bruce: What? How?
Natasha: you know, let him think he was getting somewhere then told him to fuck off.
Me: I couldn’t do that. I mean, I did tell him to fuck off, but seeing as he couldn’t read or write, it was wasted on him.
Clint: HA! Good one! (still want to go kick his ass though…..)
Me: I did meet one nice guy. Don’t know much about him. He’s pretty mysterious. And kinda cute. But way too young for me. And I have 3 others who don’t write much. I’m just being cautious and not giving too much away. So far no women seem to want to chat….so…….
Tony: Yeah, I am guessing the women are mostly there for sex too. Some of them anyway. You don’t have a good track record with women friends anyway.
Thor: Why do you not wish a friend who is female Cat?
Me: I don’t know. So far most of my so called “friends” have been back stabbing, lying bitches who claim they are “Christian” and holier than thou, but then turned their backs on me. I don’t need all that drama. Not to mention one is schizophrenic and spends all day hammering shit on her walls near my head. I just can’t find any normal people. Just people who want to hang out, talk or just go shopping. It’s this place, I think. It sucks the life out of everyone and everything. I mean, look at my plants!
Bruce: Yeah, um, they need to be watered by the way.
Me: SEE!? I am even killing my only 2 plants!!!!!! Be back in a few………
Bruce: I said water them, not drown them…….
Me: Ooops. Oh well, I’ll just let them drain in the sink for awhile. They’re still kicking after 4 years here, so I’m guessing I can’t kill them. Yet……
Clint: I say we all go to the ex’s house and kick some ass…….I’m bored.
Tony: No one is kicking anyone’s ass…
Clint: Who made you the boss all the sudden? I thought Cap was……..uh, Captain of the team.
Bruce: Thor could probably just throw his hammer and hit the house…….
Thor: Ha ha! Yes, I could do that!
Tony: No. Look, we’re looking at this all wrong. We need to get her motivated.
Clint: Uh……..she’s headed back to bed. Guess she’s “motivated” to sleep…..