New year…. It’s now 2015. Feels the same as 2014 so far.
Me: Well, here we are. It’s 10 pm on New Year’s Eve. This sucks.
Cap: I still have no idea what an Ipad is.
Tony: I really am getting tired of rolling my eyes at you.
Cap: Then don’t. You’re going to get stuck that way eventually you know.
Tony: Oh please. That’s an old wives tale. There is no scientific evidence…..
Cap: What’s the matter Cat?
Me: I’m alone. Again. On New Year’s Eve.
Cap: You have us.
Me: I rest my case.
Bruce: So how will things be different in 2015?
Tony: I will expand this brain so we have more room for one thing.
Me: I need some wine….Damn, only a little left. About 12%. I’ll have to mix it with some juice.
Tony: I will never live that line down will I…….? <smirks>
Clint: Yeah, it’s kinda tight in here….like my leather pants. We could kick Nat out, she rarely has anything positive to say anyway.
Natasha: I’m the only woman in here. She needs me. And I prefer Vodka.
Tony: You’re a woman?! I had no idea. Hey wait, why is your hair shorter than Thor’s?
Thor: (sigh) Why must you comment about my hair? What is it about my hair that troubles you Stark?
Tony: Well, for one thing, you need a scrunchie. That stuff is in everyone’s face.
Loki: My hair is neat and perfectly quaffed. My fangirls love my hair.
Clint: What the hell? Loki, who the f- let you in here?!
Loki: Natasha went to pee. I’m filling in.
Thor: Loki, how much hair product do you use to keep your hair so manageable?
Loki: I don’t use any Thor. But you do need a scrunchie, whatever that is. Say, while we’re in this disgustingly boring woman’s brain, how about I braid your hair?
Clint: Girls, please….
Me: ARRRgh! They have absolutely nothing on the television but stupid New Year’s Eve shit. I’m so sick of this. And no one is on Facebook except the ones who keep posting “Happy New Year” crap over and over.
Cap: MOVIE, MOVIE, MOVIE! Let’s watch a movie! Do you have the Wizard of Oz? I love that movie.
Me: No. I do not.
Thor: A movie about the conquering of some foreign world? With swords and hammers?
Me: No. I do have Troy. Brad Pitt has a nice butt in that one. Or I could put on a sappy chick flic……I have many.
Tony: No, pullllllleeeeze. No chick flicks. Seriously, I will expand your mind in a very painful way if you do it.
Coulson: Captain Rogers has a nice butt. (gasps) Oh, hey Steve. Didn’t know you were here.
Tony: Coulson, what are you doing here? I thought you died.
Clint: Director Fury brought him back so he could have a stupid tv show about ‘Shield’.
Coulson: Yes, and I’m the star. Every week I get to be on screen and do really cool stuff.
Coulson: I am not a show off.
Tony: No, I mean, they should take that show off. It isn’t The Avengers after all. (thinking and waving his arm) Have you ever had a giant alien flying whale/cockroach/turtle thing flying at your head?
Coulson: No. I died before that part remember?
Tony: No excuse… You’re an idiot. Hey, why don’t we watch The Avengers?!
Me: I’ve already watched it 6 times this week Tony.
Tony: So? (gets comfy) Come on, it’ll be fun!
Me: Fine. But that’s Nat’s line. Quit stealing everyone else’s lines already. Everyone in their pajamas? (Gets comfy on the couch. Hits play button on remote.)
Coulson: I saw Steve in his pajamas once while he was…….asleep. From the ice…..I mean….I was present…….
Cap: Can we kick him out of here please? He’s beginning to make me really uncomfortable.
Natasha: I’m back. Coulson is out. You’re welcome.
Loki: But I am still here you mewling quim.
Me: What the hell are you guys doing in there?! You’re giving me a headache!
Natasha: Sorry. I kicked Loki in the crotch. He’s out.
Me: He left?
Clint: Um, no. He’s out cold. Darnit. He’s missing his scene. Oh well. Oh I hate this part….Look look look! It’s ME !!!
Scene– Fury: “Sir, please put down the spear. “
All: That’s what she said! (laughing ensues.)
Me: Well, that was fun. Now what? That movie was too short. Still not even close to midnight yet.
Tony: Put the news on. I need to check on my stock.
Me: (turns on FoxNews)
News reporter: “and this woman had no idea her boyfriend was going to pop the question on New Year’s Eve here in Times Square! That is so special! Did you know he was going to ask you to marry him tonight?” Woman: “No! I was so surprised, even when that policeman asked if I was ‘the one’ who everyone was talking about! I had no idea at all!”
Me: Yeah, 20 thousand or more people all around her who are in on the whole thing, and she is the only one without a clue.
News reporter: “So did you say ‘yes’?”
Woman: “Oh of course! I love him sooooooo much!” (kissing, kissing, more kissing.)
Me: I want to puke.
Clint: I’m hungry. Do you have any meatballs? I love meatballs!
Natasha: One time I watched Clint stuff his whole mouth full of meatballs. It was gross.
Me: There are no meatballs. Only ham. Lot’s and lot’s of ham……(ugh)
Thor: What is this ‘ham’ you speak of? I would like some….
Bruce: You just ate a whole box of poptarts. How can you still be hungry?
Tony: I need scotch.
Thor: Coffee! I like this drink! More!
Bruce: Hey! Watch it. Only I am allowed to smash things!
Me: Ok, that’s it. I’m pulling out a Hugh Grant movie. You are all going to watch it and behave yourselves.
Tony: (rolls his eyes) Oh God. Please tell me it’s not the one when he sings.
Cap: Ohh! A musical! I love that kind of movie! Will there be dancing?
Me: Yup. Hugh is going to do his “PoP” single and wiggle his hips a lot.
Coulson: I’m back! Just in time it seems.
Cap: Son of a gun.
The next hour or so, Cap, Coulson and Thor break into “Pop goes my heart” from the movie ‘Music and lyrics’.
Hawkeye: (Nudges Tony) Hey, it’s over. Wake up.
Tony: Is it New Year yet?? I don’t think I can take much more of this….Please tell me no one kissed me while I was asleep.
Me: Yeah, it’s 12:10. Happy New Year. I love you guys. Let’s go to bed. But Thor, leave your hammer on the other side of the bed please. When Clint got up in the night to pee last time, he nearly broke his leg on it.
Thor: My bad. So this is what your people do to celebrate the coming year?
Me: No, just single pathetic people.
Tony: You are not pathetic. This was ……um…. fun. We should do it again sometime. At least I can say this is the first New Year’s Eve I have not been totally passed out drunk and will remember. Wait, was that a gunshot?
Me: Yup. Mexican’s like to shoot into the air during celebrations.
Cap: They do realize that what goes up must come down don’t they?
Tony: I’ll take care of this……
Me: No Tony, it’s okay. Let’s just go to bed already. I’m exhausted from all this excitement……(sigh)
Clint: What are we doing tomorrow?
Me: Sleeping……lot’s and lot’s of sleeping.
Coulson: In our pajamas! Let’s go!
Cap: (whispering) Please, oh please……someone send him away……..